Grief: It's About More than Dearh
When we think of grieving, we usually associate it with the death of a loved one. While this is often the most potent form of grief, other times and situations in life bring on painful grief. These types of grief are often misunderstood, downplayed, even buried. Some people around you may want you to go on as if nothing happened. After all, other people have gone through "worse." Others may understand, but they expect you to get up and dust yourself off a bit too soon...when you may need some more wallows in the dust that has been muddied with more tears than you thought you'd cry in your life. Well-meaning Christian friends pray for you and want to see instant results, like no more tearing up when you think about the situation that has shattered you.
No matter the cause of grieving, grief should be validated as a part of the human experience. There are the obvious reasons for grief: death, divorce, disaster, disability. Then there are the situations that may be less obvious: loss of a job, change in, or loss of a career, surviving a life-altering accident or illness, certainly the loss of a friendship--but also a change in a friendship, a move, a change in one's business... the list goes on.
However, what about the life events that are supposed to be "joyful," such as one's own wedding? The birth of a baby? The beginning of a relationship? These can also bring on grief due to things not being the same as they were before. Grief is very individual and personal, depending on your personality, the situation itself, and other factors in your life. Any grieving can be appropriate, and must be acknowledged and validated by the one experiencing the grief before we can get up and "move on."
Grieving is usually a process that takes time. Sometimes we take a step forward, only to find ourselves crying again, being angry again, or even feeling guilty again. It is easy to become impatient with ourselves, thinking, "I should be 'over this' by now." Maybe you're not, and that is okay. One important point is not to stay stuck so much that we feel we cannot go on. We MUST go on. Our lives are worth living, and there is nothing or no one who can live them for us. Eventually, we have to come to terms with what we have lost, what changes have happened as a result, and what we are going to do now. Then, we have to take that tentative first step into the new, knowing there is a light at the end of our tunnel of overwhelming darkness.
No matter the cause of grieving, grief should be validated as a part of the human experience. There are the obvious reasons for grief: death, divorce, disaster, disability. Then there are the situations that may be less obvious: loss of a job, change in, or loss of a career, surviving a life-altering accident or illness, certainly the loss of a friendship--but also a change in a friendship, a move, a change in one's business... the list goes on.
However, what about the life events that are supposed to be "joyful," such as one's own wedding? The birth of a baby? The beginning of a relationship? These can also bring on grief due to things not being the same as they were before. Grief is very individual and personal, depending on your personality, the situation itself, and other factors in your life. Any grieving can be appropriate, and must be acknowledged and validated by the one experiencing the grief before we can get up and "move on."
Grieving is usually a process that takes time. Sometimes we take a step forward, only to find ourselves crying again, being angry again, or even feeling guilty again. It is easy to become impatient with ourselves, thinking, "I should be 'over this' by now." Maybe you're not, and that is okay. One important point is not to stay stuck so much that we feel we cannot go on. We MUST go on. Our lives are worth living, and there is nothing or no one who can live them for us. Eventually, we have to come to terms with what we have lost, what changes have happened as a result, and what we are going to do now. Then, we have to take that tentative first step into the new, knowing there is a light at the end of our tunnel of overwhelming darkness.
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